We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
