My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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