There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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