his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
