Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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