I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
