Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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