Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
