and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
