i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
foreskin is a definite game changer
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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