His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
