i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
