Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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