i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
