officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
should my penis look like a turkey
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
