I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
