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• (716): View more from New York

  I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up

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• (+90): View more from Turkey

  Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university

  Fav 34 3130 779

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome

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• (850): View more from Florida

  HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.

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• (310): View more from California

  He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.

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