Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
