OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls