I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.