Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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