he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
