is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
