my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
