i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
