if you like me you must not know who I am
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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