After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
