she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
