Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i dont even know how to be here
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
