I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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