Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
