My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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