Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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