dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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