they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
