u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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