He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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