he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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