I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
