Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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