What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
