so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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