We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
