I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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