I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
