Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
