im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
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Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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