Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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