he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
