Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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