big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
