I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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