tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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