We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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