And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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