Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He shit in the fireplace
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
