I showed him my bush... on skype.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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