i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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