pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
