I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
