why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
