6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
