would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
