All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
