It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
