I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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