i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
