dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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