But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
