I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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