so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
