I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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