do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
