Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
