Who wears a wallet chain?!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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