"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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