u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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