You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
